Haunted

My past is haunting me,

I see it in my dreams

See it over, and over again

 

Every time I close my eyes

I see you there

And I am paralyzed

 

I dread the night and what sleep brings

No rest for me, no final peace

Losing my mind and losing everything

No way to escape, you’re killing me

 

 

Seven years of memories

Running through my head

Won’t let you leave, won’t let you disappear

Seven years of memories

Running through my head

Won’t let you fade, won’t let me forget you yet

 

My past is haunting me

It won’t stay dead,

Won’t let me start again

 

Every time I close my eyes

I feel you there

And I am so overwhelmed

 

I dread the night and what sleep brings

No rest for me, no final peace

Losing my mind and losing everything

No way to escape, you’re killing me

 

Seven years of memories

Running through my head

Won’t let you leave, won’t let you disappear

Seven years of memories

Running through my head

Won’t let you fade, won’t let me forget you yet

 

All I want,

All I that I long for

Is to finally forget you

All I want,

All that I long for

Is to finally rid myself of you

Is to finally be able to

Close my eyes

And not think of you

 

I Should Be Waking From This Dream…

I feel as though I should be waking from this dream

But my eyes are open, and I see everything is real

My heart wants so badly for this to all be an illusion

My mind knows better, and it’s killing me

 

The nightmare is real this time

There’s no waking and being fine

What once was an impossibility

Has now become our overwhelming reality

 

With the morning comes the truth-

That this world is darker and crueler than

We ever had thought it to be

There is no going back in time

To fix this uncontrollable mess we’ve made

 

The nightmare is real this time

There’s no waking and being fine

What once was an impossibility

Has now become our overwhelming reality

 

There are no second chances here

We gave up everything that we once held dear

It’s too late to make a change

Now we must live with what we hate

 

This is what we created

This is what have chosen to destroy ourselves with

This is what we created

This is how we chose to hang ourselves

 

 

Consumed

You say we’ve avoided war

But now we’ve just turned the gun on ourselves

You say we’re going to be better now

But how is oppression better than moving forward?

 

How can you do this to the ones you claim to love?

Destroying our siblings and neighbors

Destroying our friends and our lovers

 

I’m afraid of what’s ahead

There’s no taking back what we have become

It’s not that it wasn’t here before

But validation makes our aggression

Bare its teeth and sharpen its claws

 

Hate is coming for us all

Slowly consuming all we are

Until there’s nothing left to feel

But bitterness and pain
Sooner or later you will regret what

You’ve become

Sooner or later you will see the

Damage you have done

 

Now I’ve had enough

live|evil

Don’t you tell me that you had nothing to do with this

We’re all part of the problem

We’re all sharing in this pain.

Trying to live as though we don’t see evil

Even though it’s running rampant

Through our veins

Doesn’t make it disappear- that’s not how this ends

To say you don’t see the problems

Doesn’t mean they don’t exist

 

We are all a part of this

We’re all digging our own graves

With one foot in our own fate,

We’re somehow just so

Desperate to save face

And shift the blame

So we don’t have to bear the weight

 

There’s no living apart from this

We’re all broken to the core

Disconnected and ashamed

We throw our friends out

Like they’re nothing

And never meant a fucking thing

 

To exist is to be self-serving

To win, to raise our fists

We all just want what’s best for us

We want it all

There’s no escaping the fate we’ve drawn ourselves

We were born to lose

 

We all live evil

Violent Division

For far too long we’ve stood by and

Watched ourselves ruin our own lives

Then pass the blame so we don’t have to

Own what we have made

 

We created this world of

Violent division that’s filled with hate

Without equal vision

We’ve sealed our fate

 

Can we escape the cycle and

Break these walls that hold us back?

Can we revolt against ourselves?

We are broken and are just now feeling it

We fucked up and we’re finally seeing it

On Your Way Out

I hope it eats you alive

Any guilt that’s weighing on your mind

I hope it keeps you awake at night

And brings a plague upon your dreams

I hope it eats you alive

For everything  you’ve done to me

I hope you’re drowning in misery

Suffocating, fighting just to breathe

I want this to be forever on your fucking mind

 

You shouldn’t get out of this so easy

You can’t just walk away guilt – free

For years I thought it was all me

But now I see that you were just using me

 

It’s finally over

You are nothing to me anymore

And I hope that one day you hear this

And know that I mean it

 

I really hope it eats you alive

Try as hard as you might to thrive

I hope you’re dead on the inside

Fear of Failure

Chemicals imbalance and steal the life from me

How much time are they actually leaving me?

Tired of never having answers and feeling like I was born to lose

Can’t help but wonder of things will ever change, or if I’ll just stay the same

Negativity is taking over like a fucking plague

Can’t escape this cycle- forever in repeat
I’m forever trying to find some relief from everything that I have done to me

All I want is to go back in time and to stop me from becoming someone that I swore I’d never be
“In time it’ll all work out, you’ll see” that’s what everyone is telling me

But I can’t see how anything is changing for the better, not for me, at least

I’m just spiraling in self-loathing and drowning my own goddamn apathy

I can’t dig myself out of this hole I’m in and part of me wants to just call it home again

I was almost out, this time a year ago, but before I could fill the hole I got shoved right back in
I’m forever trying to find some relief from everything that I have done to me

All I want is to go back in time and to stop me from becoming someone that I swore I’d never be

 

But here I am, this selfish, horrid waste of a human being who can’t even be bothered to pursue his own life long dreams
Fear of failure is forever holding onto me and I let it take free reign over my entire being

I’ve got so many things that I could be doing to make myself happy, but to try would be to set myself up to fail

So I just sit here and let everything I want constantly pass me by, and accept the fact that I have put myself here, all because of the smallest fucking lie

Lower

Hands shaking uncontrollably

Tunnel vision, losing focus on everything

In a cold sweat and out of breath

I look in the mirror to see my reflection looking dead

Pale as a ghost, colorless; white-washed face

Is this the end?

 

Every day could be my last

Death waiting to take my hand

Every moment could be the end

One final second, it’s all crashing in…

 

Slurring speech, unable to articulate

Loss of control is so complete

Heart racing, trying to keep me afloat

To slip from consciousness would be so effortless

My body is giving up from lack of oxygen

I know this feeling far too well

Do I give in this time,

Or do I keep on fighting it?